I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
