i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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