she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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