Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
