I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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