can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
