You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
