Dual....:-)
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
