she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
