I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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