If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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