Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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