thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
