hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
