Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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