Soap is not a condiment
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
