Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
