i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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