one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
