spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
