rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
