I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
