just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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