there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
