it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
