did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
