I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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