Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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