Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
