shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
