my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
