Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
