Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
