I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
