kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
