you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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