Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
