The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
that may or may not have been my penis.
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