eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
