I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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