the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
the night ended with taco bell and tears
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
