Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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