his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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