I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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