Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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