Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
