So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
