The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
