we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
