My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
