and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I would fuck him just for his dog
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize