i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
