literally had 100 drinks last night.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
