you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
