i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
