i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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