he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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