My hair reeks of homosexuality.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
