i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize