Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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