NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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