In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
