My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
