Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
there is glitter all over my balls
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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