Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
