I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
