Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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