He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
