four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize