i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
