You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
