The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
