My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
