i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
