Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
