Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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