I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
