I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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