Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
