Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
