I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
