I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
