Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
