This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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