It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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