You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
