ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I enjoy the company of your penis
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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